Funny Jokes

PROFESSOR : Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jantey ho?

MUNNA BHAI : Gandhi bahut jabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun ko yeh nehin malum ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.

CIRCUIT : Bhai, Bapu ne bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai. Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.

MUNNA BHAI : Aye Circuit, woh Sunita ka baap aya hai terayko dund rehla hai.

CIRCUIT : Bhai usko bolo apun gaon gaya hai, kheti karneko.

MUNNA BHAI : Par Circuit, abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.

CIRCUIT : Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.

MAMU : Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aya?

GIRL : Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada?

CIRCUIT : Bhai, woh apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla aaj raat ko dinner pe. Mera sara chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please.

MUNNABHAI : Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?

CIRCUIT : Nehin Bhai, woh apnay chain pechan lega.

MAMU : Bhai, apnay ko char mahinay mein Tamil sikhna padega. Kuch upay batao.

MUNNA BHAI : Kannada kyun, aur char mahinay ka kya chakkar hai?

MAMU : Meinay ek Tamil baccha adopt kiya hai, aur woh char mahinay mein bolne lagay ga.

PROFESSOR : Akal badi ki bhais?

MUNNA BHAI : Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu.

MUNNA BHAI : Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT : Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI : Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT : Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.

Circuit takes a flight to Singapore and he is seated next to an Englishman. Circuit open his tiffin and serves himself a roti.
ENGLISHMAN : What is this?

CIRCUIT : Bread India

Circuit then open the box of jalebi.
ENGLISHMAN : What is this?

CIRCUIT : Sweet India With all the food he hogged on, Munna farts. The Englishman is offended and in shock asks …

ENGLISHMAN : What is that?

CIRCUIT : Air India

CIRCUIT :Aye Mamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?

MAMU : Nehin.

CIRCUIT :To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega.

MUNNA BHAI : Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.

MAMU : Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?

MUNNA BHAI : Yaad nehin hai yaar. Bahut purane baat hai.

MUNNA BHAI: Mamu, tu kitna pada hai?

MAMU : B.A.

MUNNA BHAI : Sala, two akshar pada aur woh bhi ulta?

MAMU : Oye, maar gayay yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hai.

MAMU KA DOST Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.

CIRCUIT : Oye Short Circuit yeh light bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai?

SHORT CIRCUIT : Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehle hai.

PRINCIPAL : Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.

MUNNA BHAI Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu

technorati tags: Munna, Bhai, , Bollywood, Jokes, , Humor

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A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner
with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to
her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love
for the first time.

* * * * * * * * *

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes
a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist
it’s his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

* * * * * * * * *

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like
to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the
family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his
first
time and all.

* * * * * * * * *

That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parents house and meets his
girlfriend at the door. “Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents,
come on in!”

* * * * * * * * *

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s
parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his
head.

* * * * * * * * *

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head
down.

* * * * * * * * *

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

* * * * * * * * *

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over
and whispers to the
boyfriend, “I had no idea you were this religious.”

* * * * * * * *

The boy turns, and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was a
pharmacist.”

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria!

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TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!

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TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell “crocodile?”
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L”
TEACHER : No, that’s wrong
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
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TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it’s H to O!
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TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!
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TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.

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TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with “I.”
MILLIE : I is…
TEACHER : No, Millie….. Always say, “I am.”
MILLIE : All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

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TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.”
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father
didn’t punish him?”
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
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TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as
your brother’s. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it’s the same dog!;
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.