Funny Jokes

Lady: doc. i got brown discharge at my vagina ….  is it infection?
doc: how often do u hve sex?
lady: once a month.
doc: yeh infection nahi, zang lag gaya  hai!!!

Principal said “If any boy go 2 da gurlz hostel rs. 100 fine for 1st
time, 200 rs. for 2nd time,500 for 3rd time..
Munna Bhai bola ” Monthly Pass ka kitna lagega mamu

How you define Table Tenis???????
Room ke aander, table ke upper,bulb ke niche de tka-tek, le tka-tek.

Ek area mein Bhai rehta hai, Chaman Bhai..

Ab uskey area mein jo bhi koi lafda hota hai to police se pehle Chaman Bhai ki adalat mein jaata hai….

Ek baar Chaman Bhai ke area mein rape ho jata hai, aur jisney game bajayi hoti hai ukso pakad ke Chaman Bhai ke paas leke jatey hain…

Chaman Bhai pehley to bahut shanti se, style mein, us sey baat karta hai… kuch is tarah se…

Chaman : Kya re ? Tere ko maloom nahi yeh apun ka area hai?

Mujrim : Haan maloom hai na bhai.

Chaman : Phir kaisey himmat ki rape karne ki apun ke area mein?

Mujrim : Ab kya boloon bhai, kismat kharab thi.

Chaman : Chal mere ko sub kuch sach sach bata kya aur kaisey hua?

Mujrim : Abhi kya na… Idhar naake pe apun paan khaney ke liye aaya…

Chaman : Phir ?

Murjim : Apun khade hokey paan kharela tha… aur utney mein samney wali building pe apun ki nazar gayi…

Chaman : Aage bol

Mujrim : Udhar teesrey maaley pe ek chikni khadi hui thi

Chaman : Phir kya hua ?

Mujrim : Apun ko aisa laga ke usney ishaara kiya aaney ke liye..

Chaman : Phir tuney kya kiya ?

Mujrim : Apun socha ke kuch kaam hoyenga usko…. to apun builidng ke neeche gaya

Chaman : Phir ?

Mujrim : Usney Isharey se apun ko upar bulaaya… apun seedi chadte yehich sochrela tha “Chaman Bhai ka area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman : Chal fatafat aagey bol

Mujrim : Apun ne usko jaakey bola…. kya kaam hai.. kaiko ishara kiya apun ko?

Chaman : Phir ?

Mujrim : Phir kya bhai, apun ko usney ghar ke andar kheech liya

Chaman : (Excited) Phir ?

Mujrim : Apun ghar me to chala gaya lekin soch raha tha ki “Chaman Bhai ka area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman : Aagey bol

Mujrim : Usney apun ka haath pakad liya

Chaman : Accha… Phir?

Mujrim : Sachchi bolta hai bhai haath pakadtey hi apun phir socha “Chaman Bhai ka area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman : Phir kya hua ?

Mujrim : Phir kya tha… Usney bola chikney meri pyaas bujha de

Chaman : Phir tu kya bola (Getting Excited) ?

Mujrim : Apun kya bolta, usne a! pna duppata neechey gira diya

Chaman : To phir kya hua ?

Mujrim : Apun ke dimag ki dahi ho gaya, kya mommey (boobs) they saali ke…lekin bhai phir bhi apun socha “Chaman Bhai ka area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman : Phir tuney kya kiya ?

Mujrim : Apun bola ek-do kiss karega aur chala jayega….. zyada boli to body kaam karenga lekin engine nahi kholney ka…. Aakhir, “Chaman Bhai ka area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman : Toh phir ?

Mujrim : Usney apun ko kheech liya…. sacchi bolta hai bhai aisi katil jawaani apun akkhi life me nahi dekha.

Chaman : Haan, woh to hai…. Tu aage bol (Starts to heat up)

Mujrim : Phir kya tha…. apun ne kiss kiya, mommey (boobs) bhi dabaya…. lekin imaan se bolta hai, soch raha tha “Chaman Bhai ka area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman : Aagey bol ?

Mujrim : Phir usney apni kameez utar di

Chaman : Phir ?

Mujrim : Phir salwar, lekin apun ke dil me ekich khayal aa raha tha “Chaman Bhai ka area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman : Aagey aagey ?

Mujrim : phir blouse aur chaddi saali ne sab utar di

Chaman : sahi mein?

Mujrim : phir meri pant keech li

Chaman : Accha ?

Mujrim : meri underwear mein haath dal diya

Chaman : oh !!

Mujrim : chaddi utar di meri, lekin apun phir bhi socha “Chaman Bhai k! a area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman : (Getting frustrated)..

Mujrim : Phir woh haath phiraaney lagi

Chaman : (Half Boiling)

Mujrim : phir mooh ghumaaney lagi….. phir bhi apun yehi soch raha tha “Chaman Bhai ka area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman: (About to blast) Aagey… aagey bol saley….

Mujrim: Chumney Chatney lagi bhaaaaiiii…..lekin bhai kasam se……main yehi soch raha tha “Chaman Bhai ka area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman: Abey teri to…. Chaman Bhai Gaya Maa Chudaney….. tu aage bol !

Mujrim : Yehich…… yehich - apun ne bhi yehi socha bhai…..aur game baja dala.!!!

o Behind every successful man there is a great woman and behind every great woman there is a smart guy staring at her butt.

o If you don’t believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.

o Opinion is like an ass hole, everyone has one.

o Avoid rape - say yes.

o A mistress lies between a mister and a mattress.

o The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.

o Thou shalt not commit adultery…unless in the mood.

o The best thing about masturbation is that you don’t have to talk afterwards.

o Learn from your parents’ mistakes - use birth control.

o Assassins do it from behind.

o Chess players mate better.

o Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

o Good girls spit, Bad girls swallow, Naughty girls gargle.

o Excuses are like asses everyone’s got em and the all stink.

o Squirrel who runs up woman’s leg do not find nuts.

o If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put you between F and CK.

o Sex is the price women have to pay for marriage. Marriage is the price men have to pay for sex.

o When I was born, I got a choice- A big dick or a good memory. I am not able to remember, what did I choose.

o Never assume. It makes an “ass” out of “u” and “me”.

o Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

o My wife is a sex object. Evertime I ask for sex,she objects.

o Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings”.

o If you think sex is a pain in the ass, you’re doing it wrong.

o Her kisses left something to be desired — the rest of her.

o Good girls go to heaven…but bad girls go EVERYWHERE!!.

o Sex is an emotion in motion.

o For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.

o There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - don’t and stop, unless they are used together.

o Anatomy is something everybody’s got, but sure looks better on a woman.

o The difference between a husband and a lover is the difference between day and night.

o If he won’t wear a condom, staple his willy at the end. That’ll make him think. Sorta….

o I was so poor growing up … if I wasn’t a boy … I’d have had nothing to play with.

o Love without sex is like cooking without eating, but be careful because sex without condom is like driving a car without breaks!.

o I love you in blue. I love you in red but most of all. I love you in bed.

o The most enjoyable form of sex education is the braille method.

o Prostitution is a hole sale business.

o Lets all be considerate towards animal and let all the cocks meet the pussies of their choice.